The Subtle Art of Self-Compassion

For a long time, I believed that to learn from my mistakes, I had to reprimand myself—an inner voice would appear, quietly but firmly saying, "You did it again." This was my way of self-criticism, a subtle reminder that, in some way, I failed. We all make mistakes, but how we respond to those mistakes is a great indicator of how our inner voice shows up, usually keeping us in a cycle of blame and judgment.

I asked myself, "What if I just let it go and offered myself words of encouragement instead? How would that feel?" The voice of self-judgment only reinforced guilt and shame, which I'm very familiar with. I began to wonder, "Why do we treat ourselves this way? Why do we believe that self-criticism is necessary to grow?" I've become so used to this micro-judgment that I don't even acknowledge it. I just feel it.

When a child is learning to walk, they stumble and fall until they've mastered the action. But would you scold them for not walking fast enough or tumbling? Of course not! We encourage them; we know they are still learning and growing. When it comes to our own mistakes, we often choose self-judgment over compassion. "We should have known better."

There's a difference between noticing areas for improvement and judging ourselves. Compassion and understanding open the door to growth and learning, while judgment keeps us in a cycle of self-blame. Imagine how much lighter we would feel if, instead of berating ourselves for mistakes, we said, "You're still learning. You've got this. Next time, you'll do better."

We don't have to carry the weight of self-criticism each time we make a mistake. Instead, we can cultivate an inner dialogue of compassion, where we are met with understanding instead of judgment. This shift doesn't weaken or diminish our ability to learn; it strengthens it. When we approach ourselves with kindness, we allow ourselves to grow without guilt.

And if you felt a slight reaction in your body while reading this, it means that you probably, too, have used self-judgment as a way to "make you grow." The next time you find yourself slipping into self-reprimand, pause. Take a breath. Remind yourself you are still learning. You've got this.